


Intrusion

by SandfireKat



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Support, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:05:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14076543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandfireKat/pseuds/SandfireKat
Summary: Requested by frappelattewithabowtie and womanofmanyships: Could you possibly write one where Shaun has a breakdown/panic attack over something and the whole team's there to witness it?Shaun doesn't do well with change. He never has. He likes his routine, and he doesn't make that much of a secret. So it's the universe's own little joke to have two things go wildly wrong on the same day, and throw that routine right out the window. The only problem is, the one thing that usually helps him, is one of the things that's changed. It's missing.





	Intrusion

**Author's Note:**

> This work is a result of requests made to me on my tumblr blog thegooddoctorheacanons. If you like it, I'd love to hear your feedback, and I'd really appreciate you checking out of the other shorter snippets of writing I have on there! <3  
> I did start writing this story a while ago. I caught wind of promo rumors that could run into this plotline, but I was already more than halfway finished with this story when I did, and I've also had these requests sitting in my inbox for quite some time (I'm sorry to you all that have been waiting). So just know I didn't mean for this to run into the show, if it does even run. I feel like with my work, and its close run-ins with canon so often, I should make a point to say that, haha. I would never willingly write a story that is close to an actual plot line they have...it's not fun to rehash stories, or write what's already there. And it typically ends up adding more pressure/critique, to be honest. So yes. Any similarities that will ever be between my work and the show is accidental. Just thought I should say that somewhere, and what better place than here.
> 
> I hope this story is good enough! I think I've been staring at it too long, it doesn't really sit right with me for some reason...if there's anything I can do to fix it, I would be more than happy to! And if there are any typos I missed, that's always on the table to be fixed, as well. Thank you, and I hope I can get your feedback on this!

Shaun lived his life according to routine. Every morning he got up at the same time, and, depending on how work turned out, he was usually in bed before eleven, give or take midnight. He had the bus schedule memorized and he was always standing at the stop and waiting exactly ten minutes before it was supposed to arrive. Every Monday morning, he ate breakfast with Doctor Glassman, and was sure to get to Melendez at least five minutes before work officially started, since he had been given so much heartache over being late when he'd first started. Work could often throw a wrench in his routine, like when it was he ate lunch. Usually it was between noon and one. Dinner tended to be some time around six or seven. Maybe eight.

Other people might look at this scheduling and organization and find it suffocating. They might hate it— the lack of spontaneity. Not too many would like the idea of having everything laid out in front of them, step-by-step. Heck, he even had alarms on his phone to know when he should stop showering and when he should stop shaving. He was more than meticulous. But that was exactly how Shaun wanted to live his life: with no surprises at all. He liked knowing everything that was going to happen.

So much so, that if anything disrupted that flow, it was like its own alarm. Not a soothing one from his phone, telling him everything was going as planned. It was more like a blaring, thundering siren of panic that things were going wrong. He tended not to like change. He liked the rut he was in— it was his rut, and his alone. His motions were so memorized, sometimes he didn't even think about what he was doing. He let his body go through muscle memory, and he just enjoyed the peace of knowing everything was going the way it was planned to. It was nice. It was calm.

Today was just another day in that specific rut. Shaun had done his morning routine according to his phone, and he had caught the bus and made the commute to Saint Bonaventure. He'd stashed his things away in his locker, and he'd donned his coat as he met up with Claire and Jared. The three of them went together to find Melendez, engaging in the usual back-and-forth that was also anticipated and expected. Claire and Jared were going on about something that had happened on some TV show the night before. Shaun had no idea what they were talking about, but the two of them were pretty heated. Granted, that was in the schedule, too.

"If it hadn't happened on television, it would have been fine," Jared was saying. "People do things like that all the time— change their mind. The only reason he's getting flack for it was because it happened on camera. Seems a little unfair, doesn't it?"

"No!" Claire started to object. "Well— not the way you're thinking. America hates him because he did it on camera." She stressed the word 'because.' "He could have broken up with Becca in private, but he called the production team first, so that he could it on camera. It was despicable, and wrong that they kept it all going. It went on for like, what, an hour? I'm telling you, practically everything on ABC now is—"

That's when their conversation broke off. Because suddenly they all stopped short, faced with the first change in routine of that day. Melendez was standing there waiting for them, like he usually was. That wasn't out of place. But what was, was the man standing beside him. He was a little taller than Neil, with grayish-brown hair and green eyes that seemed already unfriendly, somehow. Aoki was also there, standing beside the unfamiliar figure. Her expression was completely unreadable. Morgan and Alex were waiting for them as well. It seemed like whatever this was, the trio was the last to arrive to it. They all came to an uncertain stop.

Aoki put a smile on her face. Her eyes flickered over to Shaun, and he tensed when her stare lingered there longer than it did on anyone else. "Good morning, residents," she greeted, once they were all together. Unlike Aoki, who was attempting to be subtle, Shaun was acutely aware that the new man was staring at him openly. He wasn't even blinking, hardly. "This is James Ogden; he owns a very successful string of phone system companies throughout California, and recently he has approached me with an investment offer for our hospital."

The residents were mute; even Morgan didn't say anything. They weren't exactly sure what to say, really. Claire offered a small smile, because it was the only thing she could think of to do. Why bring them into this? This wasn't at all the realm of which they were involved with. Whoever heard of introducing a potential investor to a bunch of residents? Her eyes went to Melendez, confused; the puzzlement only deepened, though, when she saw that his jaw was more clenched than it usually was. He was standing stiffly, with his hands clasped tight behind his back. The look on his face was almost…angry? Was that right?

The investor in question spoke up, and wrenched her attention back. "I've always been interested in the idea of investing in a hospital," he began. Claire frowned when she realized he was staring right at Shaun— that he hadn't looked away, yet. Shaun was looking anywhere but him; to the floor, to the walls, to her, even. She could see her own confusion reflected in his face. "And being from San Jose myself, my first thought was Saint Bonaventure. When I was little, I broke my arm, and came here. And my mother was treated here for her breast cancer…she's ten years free of it in two months.

"There is certainly sentiment attached to this place. And by investing in a hospital, I could put my money to good use in helping people." Jared was eyeing the man a little tiredly. He was never a fan of rich big-wigs who tried to pass off investing as humanitarian; he understood it helped, but he also understood that the bigger aim of it all was for a return. No investment was made without the prospect of returns, no matter how many fake inspiring quotes the person tacked onto the front of it. At the same time, he was also wondering – just like they all were – why exactly this was being told to them. Surely there was a better place for this conversation to be taking place?

"However." And there it was— the turning point that would explain it all, one way or another. "I haven't been blind to recent news that…could offset my desire to put my money and my trust in this institution." Claire's eyes were already narrowing. Jared wasn't catching on quite as fast. Morgan and Alex's expression hadn't changed yet, either. Shaun was still looking away, but his lips began to press together a little tighter. "I hope my hesitation isn't taken as anything other than what it truly is," James continued, his voice still with that hard, unaffected tone. "But you can imagine my surprise when I learned of this hospital's recent hiring practices."

Melendez spoke before anyone else could. Which was good, because Claire was already opening her mouth to speak, probably having a few choice words in mind that would come across as insubordination. Possibly foul. Their attending's voice had the tiniest of edges to it. "As I've assured you time and again, Mister Ogden," he began, each word taut, "Shaun Murphy is one of my best residents." Morgan's eyes flashed, at the praise. "He's saved countless lives already, and he's more than proven himself. To me, and everyone else at this hospital. I was hesitant at first too, but at this point, there's no logical reason to be."

Claire turned to look at her friend, pained at the uncomfortable expression on his face.

They were talking about him as if he wasn't even there.

"And as I've said countless times, Doctor Melendez, I understand that," the man returned, just as tersely. "Which is why I just want to see it all myself. I've gotten to the point I have because I am a smart businessman, and I think my moves through. Could I really keep such a description about me if I put my money into a hospital that hired a doctor with a questionable condition without a single thought behind it?" Jared was openly glaring at him, now. Melendez shot him a look that seemed to say 'Save it for later' but he wasn't looking at him. Thankfully, though, James wasn't catching the glower. He was refusing to tear his gaze away from Shaun. "Can you blame me for wanting to make sure that my money isn't going to be spent somewhere with liabilities? There are plenty of other hospitals that aren't taking such chances with their staff."

Claire found she was gritting her teeth. It took a conscious effort for her to relax.

"That's precisely why we're the best," Melendez returned. Whatever politeness or warmth he was giving off for the investor, it was far too cold to be considered real. "Because we have him, and nobody else does."

James narrowed his eyes, seeming skeptical. "What sort of doctor can't even make eye contact with a patient?" he questioned.

Shaun blinked. He paused for a moment, before he finally turned and got himself to lock gazes with the other. Quietly, he objected: "You're not a patient."

Melendez's eyes flickered carefully between them.

James cracked a smile that didn't seem very charmed. "No," he reasoned. "But I am someone you should be focused on at the moment."

Claire took a step forward. But surprisingly, Shaun beat her to it. "You're an investor, not a patient," he elaborated. His voice was soft, but firm. Months of getting to know him led Claire to glance down at his hands, which were clasped together much tighter than they usually were. He was apprehensive, but to every ounce of his credit, nothing else betrayed him. "You're very important, and you're very good at intimidation. But I shouldn't be focused on you. I should be focused on the person I am treating today." Melendez smirked. A rare, obvious flood of pride rushed into his eyes. James straightened, in a mix of something between surprise and offense. Shaun went on. "Her name is Allison Gray, she is twenty-one years old, and she's had thyroid cancer as of a month and twenty-seven days ago. We are performing a thyroidectomy in two hours— if I'm thinking of you instead of her, how can I be expected not to be a liability?"

Claire stuffed her hands into her pockets with a flourish; her grin was far too smug when she turned back to the investor. It was as if she'd personally roasted him. Jared grinned too; even Alex seemed satisfied. Only Morgan didn't react. She just watched the situation apathetically, waiting for it to be over. James cleared his throat— now it was his turn to feel uncomfortable about making eye contact, because Shaun certainly didn't look away. Eventually, he managed a more awkward: "Well, then. I'll want to hear all about it later, then. If I may. And…I think it would be beneficial for me to speak to you a bit, as well."

Shaun glanced down at his hands, seeming unpersuaded. "If you say so," he relented.

Melendez cleared his throat and looked at Aoki pointedly. "Murphy's one hundred percent right; we need to actually get to work now." Aoki frowned at the barbed words, but it wouldn't be the first time Melendez grew short with her. The pair butted heads quite often. She said nothing, though; she seemed especially remorseful over this situation. Neil wasn't affected, though. He started to turn away, throwing to James as he did: "If you insist on distrusting Saint Bonaventure's faith in our residents, at least don't let it affect our work. You can speak to him after we're finished with our patients."

"Allegra is going to show me the rest of the hospital, and catch me up to speed on its goings-on," James said, turning to watch him. "I hope you wouldn't mind me checking into you and your residents every so often."

Shaun was starting to look exhausted, like he'd just gotten off a twelve-hour shift, rather than just beginning one. Melendez let out a heavier huff underneath his breath before he shook his head and looked at Aoki impatiently. "Does Glassman know about this?" he finally demanded.

Aoki knitted her hands together tighter. "He knows that James is expressing interest in Shaun," she answered. A roundabout way of saying 'Not exactly.' Before Melendez could snap at her, she rushed ahead. "I've told him the same as you: Shaun is a wonderful addition to our staff, and we haven't regretted his hiring yet. He only wants to see for himself. He would have thrived anyway, should James not have been here. It won't be as if anyone is going out of their way."

Melendez wasn't all that assured, but it wasn't like he could argue him out of the building. He hesitated for a heartbeat, though, as if he was tempted. Before he just inhaled sharper and turned to his team. "Come on, then," he announced. "We have a lot to do. Morgan, Alex, you're with Doctor Lim today— she's waiting for you. Jared, Shaun, Claire, you're sticking with me. Everyone, come on." Usually the return to the old dynamic would have brought a smile to Claire's face. But she was too hung-up over the situation that had just transpired, and the look that was still on Shaun's face. She only turned reluctantly to follow, and Melendez led the way.

She could hear Aoki continuing behind them, as they left. "Alright, sir, if you'll just follow me…"

Once they were well enough out of earshot, Claire was the first to grumble and break the silence. "He's a jerk," she announced, maybe a little too hotly. "He didn't even try to be polite about that."

"I think it was fine," Morgan piped up, and Claire couldn't help but scoff and roll her eyes. Of course she wouldn't have taken offense to it— it wasn't about her. "He's just making sure he trusts where his money is going. Any other smart businessman would do the same thing."

"If he has doubts, he can go somewhere else," Claire growled. "Shaun is perfectly fine, he shouldn't have to prove himself to absolutely anyone. And who does this guy think he is, making it seem like he knows more than we do? He sells phones for a living. Already, Shaun's job is better than his. He should call us next time he has to perform a thyroidectomy, maybe then he'll actually get a sense of what the job takes. Instead of just thinking he does, and jumping to conclusions about it."

Shaun only glanced at her. His silence was just making her even more worked up.

"It's a different kind of situation; he just wants to look at it from every angle," Morgan reasoned. "You have to admit, if someone walked up to you and said that Shaun was here and that was all the impression you got, you would be skeptical, too. Not without reason— sometimes even now there are problems that—"

"Do you have a heart?" Claire snapped, whipping around to glare daggers at her.

She stopped short so Morgan was forced to do the same. The entire group had to, when they realized the other two weren't moving anymore. Morgan was surprised at first, before she quickly matched Claire's glare. "Of course I do," she replied. "But I also have a brain, too. You can't just—"

"Could've fooled me," Jared growled, stepping up to be at Claire's side. The two were practically bristling. "Look, if you think Shaun is such a problem, maybe you should find another residency, like that man can find another piggy bank."

Shaun took a hesitant step forward. "Um…" He tried to interject, but it was useless.

"I didn't say he was a problem," Morgan replied tartly. "I just mean that with him, there are problems that we wouldn't have if…"

"If what!?" Claire asked. "Go ahead. I dare you to finish that sentence and not sound completely horrible."

"I—"

"Enough!" Melendez marched over to thrust himself between the two girls, who had edged closer in their growing fight. He eyed both with disappointment and anger— by now, they were drawing a small crowd of interested passerbys. Claire didn't react to his disappointment like she usually did, though. She was too angry. She just glared at Morgan, with a look that could kill. Morgan crossed her arms and looked away. Melendez was at the end of his rope already, and it was barely even nine. "No more," he spat. He was keeping his voice low, which was how they knew he was angry. "Claire, I expect better of you." She looked away hotly, sticking her tongue hard into her cheek.

He turned to Morgan, and his eyes narrowed even more. "And you," he continued gravely. "I've allowed you to go unadmonished until now because I think you're a very smart and dedicated surgeon." She had little to no time to brighten under the compliment before he was sweeping on. "But I've also spoken to Doctor Lim, so I know this isn't the first time you've spoken out against him. So I'm telling you now, and this had better be the last time I have to get onto you about it." He glared at her and shook his head once. "Never speak about him like that. Never speak about a coworker like that. Not on my team. Never on my team. Do you understand?"

Shaun was looking away, more than at a loss by now.

Morgan glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. But when Melendez stared at her, waiting for a response, she gave a singular nod. "Yes sir," she mumbled. "I understand."

"Good," he growled. He turned and looked back at Doctor Park, tilting his head down the hall. "Go with her," he said. "Doctor Lim doesn't like to be kept waiting." He ducked his head and started off; after a tiny, embarrassed pause, Morgan turned and followed. With them gone, Melendez was able to face his original three residents, and he took in a slower breath. Maybe it was supposed to be calming, but he didn't seem very different once he let it out. "Okay," he sighed. "Let's go." He turned and led the way, trusting them to follow like they always did.

Claire sidled up to Shaun; Jared took up his other side. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. He didn't even look at her. "A lot has happened…" she tried. "I'm sorry. It's horrible you have to deal with it."

Shaun was still wringing his hands together tightly. His reply was soft, and it didn't help to lessen the pain in her chest at all. "It's okay," he murmured. "I'm used to it."

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

"So it'll just be an incision along the front of the throat. And we're just going to go in and remove your thyroid gland before it can do any more damage," Jared was summarizing. "You'll have to take daily hormones to compensate for it being missing— levothyroxine pills. But the upside to removing the gland completely, is that progress is much easier to track with it entirely gone." Allison was quiet throughout the entire spiel, listening attentively. She was a good listener, and she never interrupted. She was one of Shaun's favorite patients so far, because of that. The silence was welcoming, after all that had happened this morning.

Once Jared was through, she offered a tiny smile. It didn't quite reach her eyes. "Easy-peasy." Her neck fostered a larger-than-usual lump. It was bigger than when they'd first seen it. Shaun had been the one to point it out; Allison had come in with a sprained ankle from cheerleading at her college's football game. He'd noticed the abnormal swell in her neck and drawn Melendez's attention to it. A while later, after some failed alternative treatments, here they were to remove the entire cancerous gland. It was getting to be as big as a golf ball, now.

Jared flashed her a smile. "Couldn't have said it better myself," he praised. "You should become a doctor."

She cracked a grin, but again, it was a little sad. "No, I have my heart set on elementary education."

"Just as good," Jared encouraged.

Melendez was lingering on the outside of his team, letting them have the floor for a while. But now he spoke up, and Shaun and Claire separated a tad so he could be seen. "We brought the papers for your consent." Claire stepped forward with them as they were indicated. "Once you sign off, we'll get OR prepped, and you'll be in and out, quick as a flash." This type of surgery was nearly always perfect textbook. They'd already told her multiple times, but this was a nice little additional reminder. It never hurt to hurry a patient's hand along when they were signing.

Allison seemed a little daunted, when she took the papers. "Okay," she murmured. "I'm…going to wait for my parents to get here…if that's okay," she hedged. "They're on their way now— they were supposed to meet me. But it's a little bit of a drive for them. They tried to leave last night…the traffic was too bad." She rushed to tack on: "But they're close. They just texted."

"Typical San Jose. You can't drive anywhere," Claire reaffirmed.

Allison grinned, looking down and becoming distracted with the forms. Melendez's pager went off; he glanced between his team before he leaned over and got Jared's attention. "Come with me," he instructed, a little softer. Claire and Shaun started to turn as well, but Melendez pointed to the papers, making it clear they wouldn't be allowed to leave unless it was with signed consent. The worst task, because most of the time it could take forever. One time it took Claire a whole day to get consent on a surgery. It hadn't even been a fun one, either.

Melendez and Jared ducked out, and Claire blew out her cheeks, flashing Shaun a look. He blinked and diverted his attention to the window. He announced quietly: "I don't drive. I take the bus." Not an entirely stellar attempt at making conversation, but it was there anyway, and it was clear he felt as though he deserved props for it all the same.

Allison looked up from the papers, surprised to see them loitering. Claire couldn't blame her— if nothing was to be done until her parents got there, she wanted to see what had gotten Melendez rushing out. There was probably more to be done with that. But she'd said they were almost there anyway. There wasn't any use in rushing away if they just had to rush right on back. "I haven't ridden the bus since high school," Allison mused, once she realized what Shaun was branching off of. She grinned. "I always hated the bus. There were too many people on there, and they would always yell. The second I could drive myself, I never looked back."

Shaun seemed wistful. He tilted his head to the side and exhaled: "I hate the bus, too."

Allison seemed confused, and a little awkward when she only stared at him. Claire changed the subject. "So, Allison!" The girl turned back to her, leaving Shaun alone. He'd probably be grateful to Claire later for getting the focus off of him. "Where's your boyfriend?" When she'd first been brought in from her school's football game, her boyfriend had been the one to drive her. He'd been admittedly cute— with so many muscles, you had to wonder if he'd been on the team that game. And the way he'd sat with her so attentively, and refused to leave her side, had been so endearing. It made Claire wonder why he wasn't there today, on the day of her surgery. "Did he have an important test he couldn't miss?" she asked.

Allison wilted, and it took Claire exactly three seconds to regret asking. Shaun tore his gaze away from the window at the change, though, looking interested. "Oh…no, he's not…Eric isn't coming," she sighed. "He's…we're not…together anymore. I called it off last week." Tears were already building in her eyes, with the simple explanation. She was looking back down at the papers again, but it was clear she wasn't reading them. Rather, she was just staring through the words, instead.

She realized it was a sensitive topic, but Claire couldn't keep herself from asking: "You called it off?" Maybe she regretted doing so? Otherwise, the reaction didn't quite level up the words. She looked more than upset.

"Yeah," she sighed. She reached up and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "He, uh…he cheated on me." Claire weakened. Shaun blinked. His expression was unreadable, but he was focused intently on Allison as she explained. "He was over in my dorm one day after practice; he was taking a shower. He got a text…I wasn't going to snoop, because I'm usually not like that…but he'd been so distant lately, and he'd been acting weird. So I just…picked it up to see who it was. It was a girl from Sigma Sigma Sigma, the big party sorority on campus. She was asking what the plan was for that night. And…I scrolled back through the texts…they went on for weeks."

Her shoulders hunched. "I couldn't believe it. I thought…you know, we'd been together for three years. When he got out of the shower, I showed him the texts, you know, I asked what he was thinking." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes with a heavier sigh. Her voice was choked when she finished out her story bitterly. "He told me he'd been planning to break things off with her once I got myself 'sorted out' again."

Claire oozed sympathy. She shook her head. "Guys are the worst. I'm so sorry."

Shaun looked at her owlishly. "He cheated on you because you developed thyroid cancer?" he asked.

"Yup," she sighed, rubbing at her eyes again. "I guess…having a girlfriend with cancer was too much of a hassle for him." Shaun's face fell. "I guess I can't blame him, though, I mean who would want a girlfriend with this on her neck?" She gestured to the swelling, her eyes raw with pain and frustration. She shook her head. "I know it's not my fault. I can't help it. But just because it's his, doesn't make it any easier. He was all I wanted. I just wasn't what he wanted." Shaun was growing stiffer. He glanced at Claire, and then over his shoulder to the hallway behind them. Apprehension was quickly beginning to cloud over his face. "Sorry," Allison laughed, trying to jar herself out of the reverie. "It's just been a lot recently. I'm just glad I can at least fix one of these things."

"Sure you can," Claire reassured. "And when Eric comes crawling back to you once you do, you get the satisfaction of kicking him to the curb." She offered her a wink, and Allison brightened up at this. Their patient became distracted again, and it was then that Claire noticed Shaun was starting to give off waves of paranoia. She frowned, her eyebrows drawing together as she leaned over and lowered her voice. "Shaun, are you okay?" she asked. He didn't look at her, but his hands were wringing together. "Is there something wr—?"

Before she could finish asking, Allison's parents rushed into the room, hectic and haywire. They nearly knocked Shaun and Claire over, fawning over their daughter and rushing towards her with worry. Claire was effectively distracted, because she turned and stepped over, waiting for her turn to speak and explain the surgery again to them, once they were finished lamenting their worry over their girl and their sorrow for taking so long.

Shaun didn't march over to help; he stayed where he was. His eyes flickered back to Allison, and he noticed the unshed tears that were slowly decaying now that her mother and father were there. He looked at the remaining traces of sorrow she still had on her face, from losing something that was important to her because of something she couldn't help. It called to mind James' unfriendly stare – so judgmental and harsh, and so much like another stare he had been forced to hold what seemed like a lifetime ago – and Morgan's apathetic "There are problems we wouldn't have, if…"

He closed his eyes, trying to will the thoughts away and breathe through them. His hands clenched tighter, as he felt them gradually begin to shake. Unthinkingly, his hand strayed back to his pocket, to retrieve the small comfort object he always kept there. He reached down for it, knowing that at the very least, he might be able to think a little clearer if he held it. Or if he did, he might hear the small voice of logic inside him — a familiar and warm voice – asking him: "What are you so worried about? We're fine!"

But he didn't get any of that. Because there was no comforting touch— no relieving contact.

Shaun's eyes widened, and he quickly whirled around, stuffing his hand deeper into his pocket as if the thing might just be hiding itself. Not there. He checked his other pocket. It was just as empty. He whirled around and looked around on the floor, his breathing already hitching and escalating. But it wasn't there either. It was gone— his scalpel— Steve's scalpel— it was gone, but where had it gone!?

He had no idea. He whipped around to look at Claire, but nobody else was paying him mind. She was speaking with the parents about the surgery. But it was like a foreign language to him, now; all her words went right over his head. He was quickly falling into a panic all by himself, unbeknownst to anyone. Already, the day's routine had been disrupted with the appearance of the investor. Now was the second disruption of the day— only this one was ten times as worse. This one was enough to stop his heart. It was enough to make tears spring up into his eyes almost immediately.

And it was enough to make him turn on his toe and sprint out of the room.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

"No, I think he wasn't in the right at all," Melendez sighed, indulging in this stupid conversation as he and Jared made their way back to their lockers. Doctor Lim had paged him for a consult, and for help. But it turned out, all she'd really wanted to do was gossip, after receiving such a disgruntled Morgan for the day. He'd told her everything in detail, separate from Jared, who he'd sent off to help the other two in the meantime with their patient. Partly to give him something to do, partly because he wanted to be free to harp on what an asshole the guy was being, without Jared calling him out on having feelings. He had a reputation to uphold. One that would be ruined if his residents realized how much he wanted to kick that guy out the door.

Doctor Lim had been beside herself, too; after such a long time, she'd fostered a very soft spot for his youngest resident, but unlike him, she was more than willing to show it. Melendez had to basically hold her down to keep her from rushing to Glassman's office right away. Heaven help them if Glassman got involved in this whole thing. And anyway, Aoki was right— Shaun thrived every single day. Their last problem, really, had been with Evan, and that was ages ago. He would thrive today, like he always did, James would see that, and they would be done with the whole thing. There was no use in pulling in Glassman, who would immediately rush at the guy and ruin their chance of getting more funds.

"What!?" Jared blustered. Melendez had to hold back a sigh. He was very bad at pretending to care; Claire was much better at doing that. "No! People change their minds all the time, in real life! And they don't get banned from the state of Minnesota! Haven't you ever changed your mind on something?"

"Not after I propose," Melendez huffed. "Once you propose, that should be it. Calling it off after getting down on one knee is just cruel."

His student sighed, looking away. "Alright," he caved reluctantly. "I guess you have a point there." He hesitated, as they got closer to the room. Just to fill the silence, enjoying the fact that Melendez was actually entertaining him for once, he added: "Claire says there's nothing worth her time on ABC anymore, I'm trying to argue against her, but I can't think of anything that's still good, can you?"

"No," Melendez said dryly.

"…Dancing with the Stars is good sometimes," he tried.

"Is it, Jared?" Melendez asked, exhausted. "I—"

He broke off, frowning with confusion when his eyes caught on the entrance of their locker room, and he realized he could hear shuffling and voices. Mostly Claire's, and when he veered closer, he could make out what she was saying. "Shaun, slow down. Please." She sounded strained. Jared's grin vanished at once, as the two of them quickened their pace to enter the room. Claire turned when they strode in, immediately grimacing, like she'd been hoping against hope they would stay where they had been called to for a little while longer.

Shaun's locker was open, and everything had been torn out of it. Literally, everything. His jacket was on the floor, its pockets turned out. His backpack had been opened, and all of its contents had been spilled out onto the floor. Books were strewn everywhere, too. Shaun was on his hands and knees in the mess, his eyes wild and stricken as he sorted clumsily through it all. His hands were shaking, and Melendez could hear how escalated his breathing was even from where he was standing. He wasn't listening to Claire, it seemed. He didn't even realize when the other two walked in, even. He was just mumbling to himself, floundering through the mess and picking up his backpack to shake it upside down. "Where is it?" he was fretting, his voice hardly audible. "Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?"

"What's going on?" Melendez asked, looking from Shaun to her. "What happened?"

Claire crossed her arms tightly, her expression worried when she turned back to her friend. "I— I don't know! I was getting the consent from Allison, and I turned around and he was gone! I just came in a little while ago, I asked him what was wrong, but he's just— I think he lost something, I don't know." Her expression was filled with anxiety, when she took a small step closer. "Shaun, what are you looking for?" she asked. "I can help you find it, you don't have to worry about—"

"My scalpel!" he yelped, and she jerked backwards at the sudden volume. He looked absolutely panicked; he was crying, she realized. Or at least he was trying not to cry. "My scalpel, I can't find it! It's gone!" Melendez watched in silence as his resident twisted around, his hands going up to knit into his hair. He could see him dig his nails down into his skull hard. "It's gone, it's gone," he hyperventilated. "I always have it with me, I never leave it, now I don't know where it is!"

"Your…scalpel?" Claire asked. She only looked more confused, now. "It's…they're all in the OR, Shaun, you don't need your own scalpel. We have more than enough."

"N—!" Shaun choked on the objection, practically gagging on it. He closed his eyes tightly, and he ducked even closer to himself. Almost like he was curling away from everyone and everything else. He was shaking his head fast; his shoulders were jerking up and down, now. "It— my present— Steve— it's gone, it's gone, I don't— what do I do, I—?"

Claire turned back to Melendez, trying to keep her nerves together as best she could. Even her teacher was having trouble deciding what to do, though. He seemed to be thinking about a million different things at once, but after a pause, something in his expression seemed to change. He was looking at Shaun differently, now. Claire didn't think she'd ever seen the expression he was wearing on his face before. She didn't even have a name for it, it was so foreign. But whatever it was, it resolved him to turning and shutting the door behind him. Shaun flinched at the slam, but Melendez only walked closer, until he could crouch down with him among the mess. His voice was softer and more measured when he prompted: "What are you looking for, Shaun?"

Claire looked over at Jared, winded at the change. Jared looked just as lost.

Shaun was still gasping. His eyes opened again, but he only dug his nails into his skin harder. "M…" His lips shook and trembled. He grimaced and ducked down even more. He was dragging his arms closer to him, scratching himself in the process. Melendez looked like he wanted to grab his hands and pull them away, but he stopped himself short. Apparently, he knew that touching him would be the worst possible thing. He only waited for Shaun to continue, and he did, after a second. "My brother—" His voice clenched with this, and he had to start over. Melendez's eyes washed with a weird kind of pain. "My brother gave me a scalpel, before he— before— I can't find it." His shoulders jerked up and down with held-in sobs. He ducked his head down so his chin was nearly touching his chest, as he moved to scramble through the mess again. "I don't— I don't know where it— I was supposed to keep it, I was— I lost it, he— Steve— I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

"Hey, hey— stop," Melendez coached, and Shaun abruptly snapped his mouth closed. He looked like he was going to be sick. "It's fine, because we're going to find this thing, and then life will continue as normal. But in order to do that, I just need you to calm down, and tell us what it looks like. So we can help you find it."

He still rasped unevenly in and out. He still didn't meet his gaze. But after a pause, he rasped: "It's red…its handle is red, and I lost it and—"

"I saw it!" Claire broke in, guilt flooding through her when Shaun cringed at the interruption. "I saw it, that first day he came here. He was holding it while we were in surgery. It's plastic— its kind of big and bulky…Shaun, did you go somewhere today you don't usually? Did someone bump into you, and maybe it fell out of your pocket?" She was wracking her brain. He'd pulled it out of his pocket when she'd seen it, and by the way he was freaking out over this whole thing, she imagined he always kept it there. So why was it suddenly gone? "Slow down and think," she encouraged, keeping her voice gentle. "Is there any place you can think of where you might have—?"

"What's going on?"

All three of them whirled around at the new voice. Claire's heart plummeted down to her feet when she saw that Morgan and Alex were standing in the doorway; both of them looked wildly confused and shocked. But Morgan's shock was fading faster than Alex's was; she looked over the mess and her eyes landed on Shaun and Melendez huddled together. Her nose wrinkled, and she asked again: "What's happening? Why is everything…?"

"Morgan…please leave," Claire managed slowly. The other blinked, looking at her oddly. She just shook her head. Morgan was the worst person to have here right now. Shaun was still breathing fast and hard, and he'd delved back into looking through his backpack, which was more than empty. By this point, he was doing everything short of shoving his head into it to look that way. "Find something else to do, wander down the hall, I don't even care, but you just need to get out of here."

"Why?" she demanded, hard. She was getting more defensive than anything, now. "This room is open to everyone, you can't kick us out of it." Claire huffed, hardly able to contain her frustration at the childish retort. The feat was even harder when Morgan looked at Shaun and asked: "What's wrong with him?" The way she asked it brought to mind the way an exasperated parent might look at their child when they were doing something weird. It nudged her over the edge.

"Can you leave!?" Claire snapped. Her yelling wasn't helping Shaun's situation at all— she realized this too late. "You're just going to make it worse!"

Jared stepped in a bit more, to separate the two. Or at least put up a blocker should they snap and fly at each other. "Shaun lost something of his, and we're trying to find it." Props to him; despite everything, he was keeping his voice steady and in check. Claire drew a hand through her hair and looked worriedly back at Shaun, who was staring at the mess around him in despair and mounting distress. "Have either of you seen a scalpel? Plastic?" Morgan and Alex looked at one another, both blank. Jared's eyes went to Morgan, and his voice was angrier when he asked: "Did you take it? Put it somewhere? Do something with it?"

"What— you're asking me if I stole his toy?" she demanded. Before Jared could reply, she was already rushing on, turning away in exasperation. "This is so stupid. What's happening? Is he really doing all this just because—?"

"Morgan, I'm serious, if you don't—"

Claire's threat was cut off prematurely, when Jared just put himself more in between them and snapped: "Have you seen it? Or no?" He glared at Morgan with enough anger to melt her down into a puddle. She locked her jaw backwards, and she glared at him, too. It only made Jared even harsher. "Because if not, then you can just turn and leave, because you're not helping anyone by being here."

She jerked backwards, as if she was appalled. She sparked with even more anger; her hands clenched into fists at her sides. Shaun had stopped tearing his bag apart, now, and he was just staring dismally, like he was searching for what he was supposed to do now. Melendez was standing up, looking over the mess with slightly narrowed eyes. Morgan sidestepped to address her teacher now. Though her voice lost its edge, her expression still stayed resolute. "Are you really encouraging this?" she demanded, and Melendez turned to look at her. Somehow, she didn't waver, even when she was put under his stare.

"I'm not encouraging anything," Melendez replied, his voice hard and a little biting, at the hint.

"With all due respect, it seems like you are." There was no respect there, despite the reassurance. Morgan looked at Claire again, who was practically steaming. "This was exactly what I was talking about earlier; these are the issues that come up that James was worried about; we came here in the first place because he found us in the hall and was asking where you all were. He wanted to talk to Shaun." Claire's expression weakened at the news. "Should I tell him—?"

Claire scowled. She was jabbing a finger at Morgan before she could even finish the question. "You're not going to tell him a single thing," she snarled. The blonde scowled at her. "You're going to go back to your patient and you're going to mind your own business. You're supposed to be working— can't you focus on that instead of being an awful person for once?"

Alex took a pace forward, looking between the two cautiously. "Let's calm down. There's no use in—"

"Why are you doing this?" Morgan demanded. Claire's arm swung back down to her side. Her expression crowded with confusion at the unexpected inquiry, and Morgan looked at her like she was stupid. Her voice gave off that impression, too. "There are five of us," she pressed, gesturing around them to the entire room. Claire's eyes flickered over to Alex. His expression was unreadable, as he stared at Shaun. "Five residents, all competing for the same thing. Something that can't be split five ways. And yet you're standing here, defending someone that can't even keep themselves together when they lose a toy. Someone that could easily be knocked out of the race, and leave you a step closer to getting what you want."

"What I want." The words were dull, and spat out. Claire glowered at her and shook her head. "What I want…is to earn my position fair and square. To get where I am because I achieved it on my own. Not because I stomped on the people around me. And certainly not because I took advantage of others." She paced closer and lowered her voice, so Shaun wouldn't hear. Still, Jared stayed between the two of them just in case. "His brother gave him that scalpel right before he died— if you lost something like that, wouldn't you be upset? Or are you immune to feeling that, too?"

Morgan soured even more. She said nothing.

Claire was positively livid, her anger only mounting. Her next words came out harsh and sharp. "You know why I'm not surprised you would do something like this?" she demanded. Melendez was breaking away from Shaun, to shoulder his residents away from each other. But Claire still spoke. "Because this is the only way you could possibly use to your advantage to be better than him, and that's sad," she spat. Morgan flared, but she swept on. "The only way you could possibly beat him is by kicking him when he's down and exploiting him, because he's better than you in every single way, and you know that. He's smarter than you, and he's ten times the surgical resident you could even hope to be."

Alex had to reach out and hold Morgan back now, as she jerked forward. Held back into place, she could only scowl at Claire. "That's not true," she snapped. "That's not true at all."

"You know it is," Claire growled. "He—"

"Hey!" Melendez finally shouldered into the fray beside Jared. Unlike the resident, though, his angered expression was enough to snap a little bit of sense back into the girls. They quieted, and withdrew. Though anger still smoldered in the back of their eyes when they looked at each other. "Stop it! Both of you!" He looked between them, in a tossup of disappointment and irritation. But he eventually levelled the stare off to Morgan. "You go back to Doctor Lim," he instructed, leaving no room for argument. "You're supposed to be focused on your case, and your case alone. Not what we're doing— not what the investor is doing. Take a word of advice from the resident you're already tossing aside, and know what needs your attention."

She opened her mouth to say something. But she seemed to think better of it, and bit it back.

Melendez kept his voice lowered and controlled, though it seemed to take a significant amount of effort. "This is being blown way out of proportion. You need to get back to what you're doing, and so do we, and that's what we're going to do. Alright?" He eyed her especially. "And if I hear of you two going anywhere other than straight back to Doctor Lim, or speaking to anybody that isn't her, we're going to have a problem, do you understand me?"

Morgan hesitated. But when he didn't look away from her, she mumbled a stiff: "Yes, sir."

Alex nodded once.

Melendez mimicked the gesture. "Alright, then. Out," he said abruptly, already turning away.

Claire started to do the same, when Alex leaned over and caught her elbow. She looked back at him, prepared to stick up for Shaun yet again. But the other was only looking at her thoughtfully. "What's it look like, again?" he asked. She must have seemed confused, because he elaborated. "We're working on another floor. We could keep our eyes open up there."

She weakened in a bit of surprised relief. "Its plastic," she murmured. "It has a red handle."

It wasn't a lot to go off of, but he seemed to find it enough. "Okay," he replied. "We'll keep our eyes peeled." She was almost positive Morgan wouldn't, but at least the girl didn't outwardly argue at her partner's promise. They just turned and left as silently as they'd come. It left the rest of them standing in the locker room, a little stiff and unsure of what to do.

Claire turned first and leaned down, starting to gather Shaun's things and help put them back into his backpack. Immediately, Shaun made a noise of protest, and he jerked out, trying to stop her. "Shaun, we have to pick all of this up," she protested, grimacing a bit. "It's not here…I don't know where your scalpel is, but it's not in any of this, Shaun. It's got to be somewhere else." He was still mumbling to himself— it was too soft for even Claire to hear, and she was right next to him. But he refused to stop tugging at his jacket she was holding, trying to rip it back out of her hands. She ended up letting him. Not that he did much with it— all he did was stare down at it, devoid of hope by now. She crouched down beside him and asked gently: "Did you leave it at home? Maybe you…dropped it on the way in?"

"N— I don't know, I don't know…" he rasped, shaking his head fast. He cringed and ducked low to himself. Claire's heart hurt, to watch. She could hear Melendez and Jared walk up behind her, and she was forced to reflect that they didn't have time for this. Still, Shaun's eyes were shiny with tears when he looked dismally around him. He checked his pockets again, and his coat pocket, before he shook his head and went back to gouging into his skull. "I don't know, I don't— I can't— I lost it, I— and Steve…" The name broke off and crumbled, into more of a sob. He was losing his footing fast, and Claire was struggling to figure out what they were supposed to do.

Melendez glanced at the door, openly worried now that someone else would come in. He took in a quick breath before he looked back at his youngest resident. "Shaun," he reasoned, using his first name, which was slightly out of the norm for him, "you need to get up. We have a patient, and a surgery in less than an hour." Claire wilted, but she didn't object. "We don't have any more surgeries after this one, at least for now— you can look for it later, but right now I need you pull yourself together." It was clear he was flopping on what to do— on how to react. He was a teacher, first. That much was certain. So he had to level out his response.

Shaun kept staring at the floor, still stricken and numbed. A tear marked its way down his cheek, but he couldn't move to wipe it away. His breathing was still quickened, and his hands were still buried away in his hair. Just looking at him gave Claire a headache; she longed to reach over and force his arms down, but she kept still. She felt useless, just sitting there staring at him. And she could tell that Melendez was drawing a blank too, which nearly stopped her heart.

Melendez had spent such a long time advocating for Shaun to leave the hospital because he didn't belong. This was truly the first real roadblock they'd had since he'd been hired…and recently, Melendez had actually grown to like and respect him. It wasn't anything he said aloud, of course, but it was able to be seen. Would this send him all the way back to where they'd started? Would he lose all the hope he'd grown to invest in Shaun? Would he call Doctor Glassman, tell Doctor Andrews, dismiss Shaun to go home, and would that be the end of all of it? Would they be back at square one? Suddenly Claire forgot about Morgan, and the fact that she might blab to the investor about what was happening in this room. The real threat of anyone shutting anything down, rested in the man standing right behind her.

He spoke up again, his voice getting flatter and crisper. More businesslike, and hurried, and Claire knew that they were nearing the end of the line. But at her teacher's words, she stilled, a little more surprised than anything else. "Murphy, what's the first step to take in a thyroidectomy?" he demanded. Quick and expectant, like they were all just standing in the OR and he was debriefing them with questions like he always did.

At first Shaun was unresponsive. Though Claire saw him blink a few times.

Melendez took a step closer. She looked back up at him and saw, deep in the back of his expression, he was silently willing Shaun to answer. "Murphy. What's the first step?" he repeated, louder.

Still, Shaun was quiet. Until, in a soft and choked voice, he mumbled weakly: "An…incision is made in the skin. Two…finger breadths above the sternal notch." Claire's shoulders loosened, and she let out a slow breath when he finally could answer. Uncertainty and lingering sorrow was layered thick over his words, but they were all there. And they were all correct. He went on, still not finished. "Between…the medial borders of the sternocleidomastoid muscles." His voice was ragged and breathless from his hyperventilation.

Melendez nodded, even though Shaun couldn't see. She wondered if it was more for himself, than it was for the resident. "Correct," he urged. "What's the next thing you have to do?"

Shaun's arms began to inch down, until they were tucked tightly to his sides. His breathing was beginning to even out, as thought shoved out the panic in his expression. "The…subcutaneous fat and Platysma are divided. And a subplatysmal dissection is made above the incision." He paused, swallowing hard. He finished in nothing more than a mumble. "Up to the level of the thyroid cartilage above." Claire smiled, hoping he might catch her grin out of the corner of his eye. She watched the tension fall out of the rest of his body when he continued. "The fascia between the sternohyoid, omohyoid and sternothyroid muscles is divided along the midline." He dipped his head to the side, like he always tended to do during long-winded explanations. And this long-winded explanation was doing more than its job in distracting him. "The muscles are retracted laterally," he added. "You…have to be careful not to injure the small veins that cross between the anterior jugular veins."

Melendez was watching him carefully. All he said was: "And then what?"

That's how it went. Every prompt Melendez gave Shaun was met with a readied and prepared answer that was spot-on and completely sound. The more Shaun spoke and went over the surgical procedure, the more he began to ease back into himself, and come out of his panic. His voice grew surer, and the misery that was laden over each syllable of his voice before, began to decay too, albeit slightly. His voice grew to be less winded. Each time Shaun delivered the perfect answer, Melendez would only demand more, which Shaun was perfectly capable of fulfilling. Jared and Claire listened in silence, taking care to watch Shaun closely as well as listen to his replies and take notes themselves.

Eventually, it reached the end. Shaun's last instruction, going so far as to detail the tactics of suturing the incision closed, hung in the air a little heavily. He fell silent, and nobody spoke once he did. He expression was drawn, now, and tired. Still miserable, but not wrapped up in panic. Claire looked at him sorrowfully, but didn't know what to say. She wondered how she would feel if she lost such an important object. She couldn't really fathom it.

Melendez was the one to break the silence. "Perfect." Shaun blinked at the rare praise. He still didn't look up. Their attending continued. "You did all of that without whatever it is you're looking for. It seems to me like you can wait to find it until we're done with the surgery." Shaun said nothing, but another grimace crawled over his face. Melendez hesitated before he picked his way over to him, stepping around the mess littering the floor, so he could crouch down again to force him to meet his gaze. The look on his face was a little strained. But he went on nevertheless. "Shaun, I don't want to dismiss you. But if you can't get yourself together for this surgery, I'm going to have to send you home. And I don't want to do that."

Shaun kept silent; his eyes flickered up to meet Melendez's for only a heartbeat, before they dashed away again.

Claire interjected gently. "We can find it after the surgery, Shaun. We can look then."

Shaun closed his eyes, taking in a deeper breath that was clenched at the end. He was still mute, and the other three in the room were left to just stare at him in uncertainty. Claire was tense; she was surprised Melendez had made the allowance he did already, and she knew that he wouldn't make it for very much longer. She could see him begin to sit forward more, and say something else, possibly giving him one last chance before he pulled the plug. When Shaun murmured softly: "…Okay."

Melendez seemed just as surprised as them at the relent. "Are you sure?" he asked. "I can't let you work if I think you're not able to."

"I'm fine," he murmured under his breath. After a moment, he nodded his head once, and he repeated just a little bit louder: "I'm fine."

Neil stared at him intently, searching his face and looking him over. Claire could see the inner back-and-forth he was going through. Debating whether or not he should take the risk in trusting Shaun. But eventually, history seemed to win him over. Shaun wasn't shaking anymore, or mumbling. And though his expression was still flooded with misery and sorrow, his arms were back down, and his posture was slackened again. He looked more like his normal self. Still, Melendez repeated steadily: "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Shaun rushed. He added a little tenser: "I…have to." Claire frowned at the choice of words, and how hollow they came out sounding.

She started to ask what he meant, when Melendez stood up again and gave a nod. "Well…we'll see," he reasoned eventually. He gestured to everything still scattered around the room. "Pick all this up, then," he requested. "We have to get ready. If I don't think you're prepared to scrub in by the time we have to, Shaun, I'm not going to let you." This was said with only the softest of edges. A tiny warning that was barely there in the first place. Still, Shaun's shoulders hunched inward at it.

Melendez glanced at Claire, who nodded her head once. He turned and left the room, leaving her and Jared there with Shaun. She was the first to move; she reached out and started to stack together a few of the books that Shaun had brought with him. She turned and arranged his backpack, so she could slide them back in. It took Shaun a long couple of seconds, but he eventually leaned over and started to help. Jared marched forward and helped, too. With the three of them at work, it would only take a couple of seconds to get everything back where it belonged.

But still, the problem would remain.

Shaun was the first one to speak, surprisingly enough. All that he managed, though, was a tiny rasp. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Claire repeated. She stopped and looked at him in concern. "What are you sorry for, Shaun?" she prompted. "Anyone would be upset if they lost something that important to them. It's okay." She tried to give him a bracing smile. "And we'll find it later— I promise. If you remember bringing it here, then it's got to be somewhere. It probably just fell out of your bag somewhere. It'll be easy to find it." She shook her head. "There's no need to apologize. It's all okay."

He looked at her, his expression still wary and withdrawn. There was a long stretch of silence. Before he took in a slow breath and nodded. "Okay," he whispered. He looked back down at the ground, and he went back to gathering everything back together. She thought that was the end of it, and started to let it drop. Before, softly, he added a tiny: "Thank you."

She stopped short. Her eyes went up to Jared's, and he just offered her a one-shouldered shrug. She looked back at her friend and softened. "You're welcome," she replied. And then they all turned back front to pick up the remains of Shaun's shocked and frantic searching.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

Shaun's mind was everywhere. Usually, his focus was centered and unwavering. Now, it was the opposite. It bounced from one thing to another, and no matter how hard a grip he tried to fasten around it, his line of thought always flashed elsewhere. All his effort was for nothing. Standing beside Claire, his shoulders drawn tighter than usual, Shaun struggled to wrench his mind back to where it belonged. Back to the task at hand. He couldn't. 'We have to identify the middle thyroid vein— it will be tightly stretched around—' 'Where is it? Where is it, how could I have lost it? Why am I so—?' 'Ligation of the middle thyroid vein will allow—' 'I got you a present…I got you a present anyway.' 'The superior laryngeal artery should be—' 'Never forget. You're the smart one.'

"Shaun?"

He roused, picking his head up and blinking a few times. Melendez was looking at him expectantly, the tiniest of creases in his forehead. He had allowed Shaun to scrub in only on the slimmest of margins. It was clear by the doubt on his face that he was wondering if he had made the right call. Up until now, Shaun had been on suction. A task that, for once, he hadn't argued against. Resurfacing into the moment at hand called back everything that had faded into the background. The steady beeping of the heart monitor, the too-bright lights that were beaming down harshly.

Looking up to his instructor, Shaun couldn't prevent his eyes from flickering up even further, towards the ceiling. Towards the theater up above. Presently, standing over the operating room and watching carefully, was a tiny, two-person audience. Aoki and James had returned, now to watch the surgery in full detail. Shaun's stomach clenched at the attention, feeling like he was a specimen pinned underneath a microscope. He couldn't see from where he was, but he wondered what the look on James' face was. Stern, and impatient, maybe. Unimpressed, disappointed…there were many synonyms that could be used. Satisfied was not one of them.

"Shaun." He looked back at Melendez. His instructor was staring at him carefully, measuring his every move and expression. When he spoke again, his words were slow. They demanded careful thought and consideration. "Do you want to do the honors?" he proposed. He asked this loud enough to be heard from where the others stood overhead. Shaun blinked and looked back down, realizing that they'd reached the point of the actual removal. What was left now was to begin to divide the isthmus where it crossed between the two lobes. Shan's eyes went this way and that, examining every aspect.

'All that's required is a few simple—'

'I lost it…it's gone, it's gone forever, it—'

Claire and Jared were watching in silence. Though they were waiting tensely, a little bit of hope in the back of their eyes for their friend to take over, it was clear they were also preparing to step in should they be called upon instead. Melendez watched Shaun look down and take everything in, and he lowered his voice to nothing more than a small murmur. Something Shaun could barely hear himself, let alone those who would be watching. "You don't have to," he whispered. Something about his voice was different. Shaun wasn't sure he liked it. "But I trust you."

The word 'trust' snapped Shaun's mind back center. He shifted, shuffling his feet as his weight was levelled from one foot to the other. He knew the steps to this. It was laid out in front of him like a list— just as he had recited it before, he could recite all that was left. It was just doing it that was the problem. What if he wasn't good enough? What if he missed something? He hadn't paid enough attention today to keep track of the one thing he loved most. How could he be sure he wouldn't mess this up, too?

He could recall another voice. Harsher, and crueler. 'You're hopeless. Completely hopeless.'

Shaun was silent, and he was still. Melendez's eyes flashed, and he started to turn, looking towards Claire instead.

'It could be in the hall, it could be in my apartment, it could be—'

'You can do anything.'

Before Melendez could make eye contact with Claire, Shaun was reaching out. His hand hung in the air, mid-reach. Neil turned back, a little surprised. His student was staring intently down at the thyroid gland they had yet to cut out. He didn't say anything, behind his mask. Melendez turned and began to hand him the scalpel. Not the one that Shaun wanted, but it was the one he was going to have, currently. It was the one he had to focus on, now. As he began to relent the blade, he hesitated, and he prompted: "Make sure to—"

"Protect the recurrent laryngeal nerve from damage," Shaun murmured softly. He took the scalpel, and after the tiniest of pauses, Melendez let go completely. His eyes stayed glued to his resident, just in case. But Shaun was intent on what he was doing, not tearing his gaze away from the patient. "Two allis clamps," he just said instead. Claire was all too quick to comply, and hand them over. He didn't look back up; he didn't want to see the look that was on anyone else's face, at the moment. He had to put it all out of his mind.

He just kept his head down and tried to do what he first told James he would do in the first place.

He tried to think of his patient.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

"It was perfect!" Claire encouraged, already grinning wide, though they had only just stepped out of the operating room. Shaun said nothing; his expression was clouded, and his hands were clasped tightly in front of him. He stopped short and hunched his shoulders, staring down at the floor like there was something there to find. Claire bent over a little at the waist as she stepped around him; she tried to catch his eye, but he only ducked away from her. "Shaun?" she prompted, her voice softer. He grimaced. "Are you okay? Shaun, you were fantastic, you removed her thyroid perfectly, and you even did the sutures—"

"I was bad," he managed, the words practically stuttering out of his mouth. Claire wilted, unsure as to what he meant. Jared was washing his hands, but he looked back at his friend immediately at the statement. His eyebrows drew together in worry. "I was…distracted, I couldn't— I was bad, he saw I was bad, and now he's not going to give the hospital any money and it's all going to be my fault. I just—" He didn't finish the thought. He couldn't. He just broke off into a tense and worried whimper. He reached his hands up towards his head, which was beginning to shake quickly back and forth.

"Shaun, no, it's going to be just fine," Claire objected, keeping her words soft. She took a step closer to him, her expression falling at the look that was on his face. "You were great, Shaun, he couldn't complain about you even if he wanted to. You didn't do a single thing wrong, so don't think you did, okay? Even though you were stressed, you did a fantastic job." She paused, letting the comfort sink in as far as it was going to. After that pause, she prompted: "Are you okay?"

"I have to find it," he choked. He opened his eyes again and she saw that they were quickly filling again with tears. Where he stood at the sink, Melendez turned to face his student. Immediately, Shaun stiffened, his head snapping up and his eyes meeting his instructor's for only a second before he ducked away. He grimaced, like he expected him to snap at him, or admonish him.

But he didn't. "You did fine, Murphy," he said instead, and Shaun cautiously began to straighten. Though he still hesitated, like he wasn't sure. "It was a perfect surgery. Don't sell yourself short." He thought for a moment before he looked between him and Claire. Claire was looking at her friend with worry. Jared was drying his hands and stepping back over to the two. Melendez thought for only a heartbeat more before he finally seemed to come to his conclusion. "Scutwork," he announced. All three of them looked up at the announcement. Shaun weakened. Melendez swept on. "We don't have any more cases right now. So I'm putting you three on scutwork until I need you. I'm not sure where you'll be needed most. You'll have to figure it out yourselves." This was all said stiffly, but Claire began to soften as understanding dawned. He ignored her pointedly. He was already starting away. "You might have to wander around the whole hospital," he threw over his shoulder.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

Wander they would. Immediately, the three of them started out of the OR to begin their search. They weren't sure where they were going to go, but Shaun had been fairly certain that he'd brought the scalpel with him to work. It wasn't much to go off of, but they would take what they could get. They rushed out of the OR and started down the hall, trying to decide what they should do. Split up? Go where? Ask around? Claire started to ask Shaun what he thought the best place to start would be, when she suddenly stopped short and cut herself off. A call was echoing up from the other end of the hall, and her stomach twisted as she recognized the voice.

"Doctor Murphy!" She turned, catching sight of the pair again. James had been the one to call out, and Shaun immediately started to walk faster, on impulse. James quickened his pace in turn, starting to call out again for him. Claire began to slow, uncertain on whether or not they could ignore him without being too obvious. When suddenly, someone careened around the corner and smacked right into the investor.

Claire screeched to a stop at the collision; Jared and Shaun hurried away. She glanced after them, hesitating, but turned after a pause to rush back to James. The person had run into him so hard that they were both knocked down to the ground. They'd had been carrying stacks of folders with them, too, it looked like; now, the papers were scattered all over the place. Claire ran back to hear a steady stream of apologies already being made. She was surprised to see the chaos that the simple mistake had created, but she was more surprised to see who it was that had created the chaos in the first place.

"I am so sorry!" Morgan was spouting. She laughed and giggled, shaking her head as she scrambled to pick everything up. James was slowly recovering, alarmed as he looked from her to Claire. "I'm so scatterbrained today, I have no idea where my head is! Oh, and look, I just dropped all I was holding!" The businessman had been looking back down the hall where Shaun had been, but at the pointed exclamation, he turned back to her. Claire waited stiffly for what he would decide to do. But social norms played against him; instead of rushing after Shaun, he stopped and started to help her pick up the mess. Aoki quickly did the same.

Claire was amazed. She knelt down to help too, but her attention stayed fixated on Morgan.

The blonde was still making a fuss. "I just have a million things to do and I wasn't even looking where I was going! I am so sorry. I just…wham, straight into you!" Claire's eyes narrowed a little. The smile on Morgan's face wasn't at all like her. And her voice was pumped with way too much artificial happiness, too. She was never this peppy, unless she was putting on a show for a patient like she tended to do. Claire couldn't help the suspicion that tugged at her.

"Well, I was…" James glanced back towards where Shaun had been going. Claire followed his gaze and cracked a small smile to see that he and Jared had both managed to escape. James' expression was left to weaken with disappointment, though, as he looked back down. "I was trying to talk to Doctor Murphy…it seems he didn't hear me." He glanced at Claire, who immediately wiped her face clean of any expression. "You were with him— do you know where he was going?"

"Oh— no," Claire managed. She offered a tiny smile. "We just finished the surgery, so we were assigned to do some scutwork. He's just…going where he needs to go, right now." She said this a little louder, and a little more importantly. Aoki straightened up just a bit, and she risked throwing the woman a look, hoping that James wouldn't pick up on it. She wasn't sure how to communicate what she needed to, but it was a last-ditch effort. Even if she didn't know he'd lost his scalpel, surely with this tiny indication, Aoki might figure that she should do something about his hovering? It would bother anybody, to be under such scrutiny— they'd already hung like vultures over the surgery.

Thankfully, she didn't disappoint. "James!" she called, handing Morgan the last of her papers before she stood. "How about I show you how some of our latest research is going?" James stood as well, looking at her with faint surprise. "I can show you more of what Saint Bonaventure is going to hold in its future— things you can help along, if you choose to invest. I'm sure once we do that, we can page Doctor Murphy. That might give him some time to catch up on his work; we work our surgical residents to the bone, here." She laughed and smiled at Claire, who returned it quickly.

James paused. He glanced down the hall; it was clear that he would rather just rush after Shaun and flag him down. But it wasn't like a potential investor would back away from the prospect of seeing what all the hospital had to offer for new innovations. So he just nodded once. "Alright," he reasoned. "Lead the way." Claire stepped to the side, ending up standing closer to Morgan as she made room for them to file away. They stood together like that in silence for a moment, until Claire turned to look at Morgan questioningly.

The blonde was apparently prepared for the glance. Her expression was pursed back into its usual sourness; Claire wasn't sure whether or not she was supposed to be relieved because of that, or irritated. At the very least, she was a little less confused. "What?" Morgan snapped. Claire blinked and said nothing, but it was only because the need wasn't really there. The other resident rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm a better resident than he is," she declared. Naturally, Claire started to bristle and argue, but Morgan was already continuing before she could. "And when I beat him, it's going to be on even terms. Even though allowances like this shouldn't be made."

Claire paused, looking her up and down. She wasn't very sure how to react to the contradictory help. "Well…thank you for your allowance," she reasoned eventually. "I'm sure he would be very grateful to you."

This only made her madder. "I don't want him to be," she snapped. "I don't care what he thinks."

She nodded. "Of course not. Sorry."

Morgan shot her a glare, and spun around. Refusing to say another word about it, she rushed back the way she'd come, leaving Claire in the dust. She watched her go tiredly, unsure on whether or not she should be annoyed or grateful. She supposed it was a mixture of both. But that wasn't important right now, anyway; she'd figure her out later. Claire just shook her head to clear it and turned as well, heading in a direction opposite of the one Jared and Shaun had taken. They would cover more ground, that way. And maybe, just maybe, they'd be able to find this thing faster.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

Claire was at her wit's end. She'd rifled through the entire first floor, and she'd combed through the emergency room. She went through Allison's room, on the off-chance he'd dropped it there. She even went down to the bus stop and walked all around outside, too. Still, she couldn't find Shaun's scalpel. She'd texted Jared and asked him if they had better luck, but they hadn't. She'd asked him how Shaun was doing, and he'd told her that he was getting worked up all over again, the longer they searched. As if for proof, Jared had sent her another text five minutes later to declare: 'I called over to him to ask if he'd found it yet, and he flinched so hard he slammed into the wall.'

She filed that away to laugh at later; now was not the time.

She was running out of places it could be. She wasn't sure whether or not Shaun had stopped for breakfast with Glassman this morning, but just in case he had, she went to the cafeteria. She was weaving through the tables and pushing aside chairs to look underneath them. Her face was creased with thought, and she was so engrossed in trying to find the little toy, that it took Carly three times to get her attention. "Claire…Claire? Claire!" She jerked finally and whirled around, nearly doing the same thing Shaun did as she spun quickly in place. Carly cracked a grin, looking a little alarmed at the fast reaction. "Didn't mean to scare you," she laughed. "Are you getting lunch now? We could sit together!" She was holding a tray already, herself. She must have been looking for a spot when she'd caught sight of Claire.

"Oh— no, no I was just…I was looking for something," Claire exhaled, deflating.

Carly tilted her head to the side. "Looking for what?" she asked. A bit of exhausted humor leaked into her next question. "Don't tell me we lost another lab specimen?"

"No, it's not anything like that," she sighed. She reached up and ran a hand through her hair. "Shaun's got this…" She tried to figure out how to explain it. "When Shaun was little, his brother gave him this toy, right before he died. It really means a lot to him; he keeps it with him wherever he goes." Carly's smile vanished. She blinked a few times, as her face fell. "He lost it this morning, and he has no idea where it could have gone. He's really in a bad place because of it…Jared and I are trying to help him find it. It's been a while…"

Carly's forehead creased. She blinked a few times, like she was considering something.

Claire looked at her warily. "What?"

Her question came out slow and unsure. "What kind of toy was it?"

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

"Do you keep it in your backpack when you're coming here, or is it always in your pocket?" Jared asked. Shaun said nothing. After a pause, he went on anyway. "Your backpack could have been open on the way here…someone could have bumped into you, and it could have fallen out that way. Do you remember someone knocking into you on your way in? Or…maybe you fell, and it somehow got out of your pocket? We could go and look there." Still, he didn't get a response. Jared weakened and turned around to look at his friend.

They were at such a loss, that they had wandered back into the OR to search. Though, in reality, Shaun had already been missing the scalpel long before he'd even been in this part of the hospital. Jared knew that soon enough they would have no option but to give up. They couldn't avoid work for forever— Melendez was being kind enough as it was, giving them this time to search. They'd combed through the doctor's longue again, and they had searched through Shaun's jacket and backpack a second time over. They'd gone into every elevator, and they'd picked through the ER. It just wasn't anywhere.

By now, Shaun was really losing it. Jared was almost remorseful he hadn't swapped places with Claire; he felt like he had no idea what he was supposed to do to make him feel better. Claire would be better…somehow, she and Shaun meshed more together. Not that the two of them didn't get along, but…Jared wasn't certain he was doing much good, soothing him. At this point in their search, with their failure becoming more and more evident, Shaun was practically trembling. He was coming apart again— Jared could see the difficulty it was taking to keep himself composed. His expression was pinched and drawn, and he could hear the quickening rhythm to his breathing.

"Shaun, are you okay?" he asked, standing up from where he was crouched. The scalpel wasn't underneath the sink, oddly enough. Shaun was on the other side of the room, on his hands and knees and looking along the floor. At Jared's question, his shoulders hunched like he was flinching away from a blow. Jared weakened; he watched carefully as Shaun stopped crawling and just came to a sudden halt. He stared down at the ground, his eyes a little wide. He shifted so that he was sitting down on the ground instead. And Jared watched with a sinking heart as Shaun ducked his head to hold it in his hands. He was slowly curling away from everything. He was coming undone again.

"Shaun?" Jared prompted, dropping the search for the moment at hand. Instead he crept closer, starting to bend and lower himself down to his level. Shaun closed his eyes tightly and cringed down into his knees. All that came from him in response was a tiny, frustrated whimper. Jared kept his distance a bit, stopping when he was a yard or so away. He was debating whether or not to call Claire. She would do better with this. "It's alright, Shaun; we'll find it," he promised. Shaun shook his head, and Jared tried to sound more upbeat. "Of course we'll find it, Shaun! We've torn apart this entire hospital, and Claire's out looking too! There's no way—"

"I lost it!" Shaun cried, slicing into whatever he was going to say. Jared grimaced, and ducked down. Shaun did the same; he was practically curling up into a ball. His voice was thick and congested. "I lost it, I messed up— I'm not going to be able to find it again, I lost it…" He took in a sharp gasp and cringed. He hugged his arms around his middle, like he was trying to hold himself together. "It was all I had, I don't— what am I supposed to—?" Whatever he said after that was too soft to hear. His speech died off into mumbles and breathless whispers, much too quiet and rushed to make sense of. It was like gibberish.

Jared sat back onto his heels, feeling his own bit of panic start to bite at him. It practically stung, it was so alarming. What was he supposed to do? What if someone walked in— what was he supposed to say? He wracked his brain for something. Something that would make this right. He could understand why Shaun was so upset…if he had lost something that important to him…what on earth could possibly make it better? There was nothing. The fact was there, and it was plain as day.

But what he could change…what he could change was the panic.

How to calm him down? What would work? What had Melendez done this morning?

Jared was silent for a long moment, trying to conjure something up. In the meantime, Shaun was only falling deeper into his despair. He was mumbling to himself so much, that at first, he didn't even hear Jared when he finally started to speak. "You know, Shaun, you shouldn't breathe that fast," he began, knowing that his friend was likely ignoring him entirely. He kept going, though. "Hyperventilation leads to reduced oxygen levels in the brain and the heart." Shaun didn't react. He whimpered again, and flinched harder. He said something else, but again, Jared couldn't hear. Jared kept on. Maybe it wasn't a lot, but it was all he had at the moment.

"I liked the heart unit in anatomy the most," he announced. Shaun clamped his mouth closed. He didn't look over at him, still. But that was fine. "It was so interesting to me, learning about all the tiny little veins and arteries…coming from one thing in the very center. And knowing if that one thing had even the slightest pause, or the slightest thing wrong with it…you could die. It'd all be over. And there was so much to one little thing, too." He pursed his lips in thought, and looked up at the ceiling. "You have…the superior and inferior vena cava bringing in all the blood. That's the deoxygenated blood from the body, of course. It was always colored blue in those diagrams, would you believe I actually thought it was blue at first?"

Shaun's eyes did open and dart over to him with this. He still stayed tucked away. Nearly five full seconds of complete silence passed, before Shaun declared, raggedly: "That's stupid."

Jared couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I know it's stupid, Murphy, that's why I said it." Shaun looked back down and said nothing else, so he prompted: "But the blood comes in and it enters the right atrium…" He looked at his friend, and saw that at least he was keeping his eyes open. His breathing still hitched, but it wasn't as harsh as it had been. He seemed more grounded…little by little, he seemed like he was paying more attention. "And then it passes through the right atrioventricular valve, into the right ventricle…that one was easy to remember. The next step was just as easy." He waited, leaving a gap for Shaun to provide it instead of him.

To his relief, after a pause, he did. "The pulmonary valve," he rasped, staring down at his lap.

Jared grinned. He tacked on confidently: "Through the pulmonary valve, to the lungs…through the pulmonary veins."

He grinned wider when Shaun immediately amended: "Pulmonary arteries."

"Right, of course. Into the left atrium," Jared responded.

He left yet another gap, and this time Shaun filled it faster. His shoulders were slowly loosening. "Through…the mitral valve into the left ventricle," he murmured.

Jared turned and sat back against the wall with a tiny sigh. "Also called the left atrioventricular valve," he elaborated. "Or the bicuspid valve. You know anatomy: if something can have more than one name, it always will. The more confusing, the better." He tipped his head back, sighing again. "What happens after that, then?"

He thought Shaun wouldn't answer at first. His friend had turned his head aside so that it could lay down on the tops of his knees. He wasn't panicking anymore, or losing grip on himself. Now, he just looked exhausted. Like he wanted to curl up and sleep for five years. His voice was just as tired when he did end up speaking. "Through the mitral valve, into the left ventricle," he exhaled. "The blood…passes through the aortic valve into the aorta. From there, it can travel throughout the body…"

Silence hung between them for a heartbeat or more. Jared wasn't sure what else to say, so he just repeated a little lamely: "That was my favorite unit."

A gap. Until: "My favorite unit was the brain, and the nervous system."

"Really?" Jared mused. "That one was always interesting, too…it's just as important as the heart. If something is wrong with the brain, it messes everything else up, too." He blinked and turned to Shaun. His voice came out softer, but it carried more weight with it, too. "Shaun, I know losing that scalpel is horrible. I can't imagine what it must feel like, since your brother was the one to give it to you." Shaun picked his head up and looked at him with the sentiment. His eyes were deep pools of misery. Jared held the stare, though, as hard as it was. "But I know that you won't break down completely, with one missing part," he declared. "I know you're stronger than that."

Shaun wilted. He didn't seem so sure. The doubt was heavily layered over his face, alive in every tiny feature. But at the earnest and trusting look that was on Jared's face, he blinked, and seemed to straighten just a little bit more. He looked down at his hands, which curled into fists. Quietly, he started to ask: "Am I—?"

"Shaun!" Shaun jumped about a foot into the air at the cry. Jared would be lying if he said he didn't jerk in alarm, too. The both of their heads snapped up at once, to look at the door as soon as Claire and Carly burst inside. Claire had been the one to call out. She was wearing a huge smile on her face, and when Shaun met her eyes, she only beamed more. "Ta-daaaa!" she cheered, and Shaun's eyes were already beginning to light up, even before she presented what she was holding: his little scalpel.

Jared grinned and shook his head, a surprising amount of relief hitting him like a wave. Shaun scrambled up to his feet; he ran over to Claire so fast that he nearly tripped over himself. She softened when he took the scalpel from her— the look on his face was absolutely ecstatic. His smile stretched ear-to-ear, and he quickly hugged the toy to his chest, literally exhaling every single ounce of tension that had been locked up in his muscles. "You found it!" he cried.

"Yeah!" Claire glanced over at Carly, who was smiling apologetically. "Carly found it this morning; she took it up to the children's floor— she thought that it had just gotten misplaced. But I ran into her when I was searching, and she knew what I was talking about. Thankfully, it hadn't gotten lost in the shuffle, and it was really easy to find again." She looked back at him and tilted her head to the side. "You must have dropped it, or…maybe you set it somewhere and it got knocked down? People could have kicked it, you could have forgotten about it…" Shaun didn't seem to be sure himself; she just shook her head. "Never mind," she dismissed. "It's here now." He wouldn't be losing it again anytime soon.

Again, Shaun let out a breath of relief. He looked down at the memento and nodded once. "Thank you…" The gratitude came out practically shaking. He looked at Claire, and she was glad to see he looked much more like his normal, bubbly self. He looked like the Shaun they all knew. "Thank you," he repeated. "I'm…very grateful to you for finding it. It means a lot to me."

She melted. "Of course, Shaun," she returned.

(~**~) (~**~) (~**~) (~**~)

They were walking back to the emergency room when they were stopped. It was only a matter of time; they were all lucky ducks that it hadn't happened before now, so there wasn't too much room to complain. But there was room to collectively sigh before they turned, and there was room to shoot each other mirrored looks of unease and irritation. By now, the trio was in silent agreement that it was a good thing residents were usually so uninvolved in hospital politics: because they sucked. It was annoying, and by this point they were ready for this investor man to leave, and get his nose out of their business and back where it belonged.

This particular situation wasn't helping Jared and Claire's distaste, either. The two residents couldn't keep the hostility from their faces when they turned around with Shaun. There were three people walking up to them now— Melendez had joined the party, somewhere along the way. Their teacher's expression was a little drawn, and his eyes were zeroed in on Shaun. Some part of him seemed to relax when he realized that Shaun looked just as he always did.

James had been the one to call out and stop them. They didn't suppose they could push their luck and evade him a second time. "Doctor Murphy," he greeted, somehow at the forefront of the group by the time they all came to a stop. On Melendez's face, each of them could see their own barely-concealed impatience. It looked like he was ready for this all to be over, too. But still, money was power, and even he hadn't been pushed far enough to potentially ruin this business prospect. Though it seemed like he was getting closer and closer the longer it was stretched on. "I observed your earlier surgery," the investor continued. "It was quite impressive. I didn't expect it, to be quite frank."

Shaun blinked. He looked off to the side, a small frown tugging at his lips. "I know you didn't," he offered.

The edge of Claire's lips tugged up in the smallest hint of a smirk.

James' smile wavered, but only for a moment. He took in a quicker breath, and he just moved on. "Well, I was hoping I could speak to you," he proposed. Melendez's eyes flashed. Shaun shuffled a little nervously. James was oblivious to both reactions. "I would like to understand a little bit more about you, if that's alright. I—"

"You want to know if a hospital with a doctor that has autism is worth supporting financially," Shaun completed for him. James stuttered into silence, surprised again. Claire saw Shaun tuck his hand down into his pocket. It didn't come back up, but she knew he was probably holding tightly to his brother's scalpel. Maybe it was part of the reason his voice was so steady when he went on. "You want to know whether or not I would get in the way." He shook his head, twisting aside a bit. "But…I don't think anything I can say will change your mind."

James quieted. After a pause he tried: "Well, I'm sure that—"

"I was worried, today," Shaun announced. Apparently, he was under the impression whatever James had to say was unimportant. Claire relented he'd probably be right, though. She didn't blame him. "I lost something that was important to me. I was very worried. And…when I get very worried, it's difficult for me to focus on other things." James' eyes narrowed a bit. Though he didn't interrupt. "I wanted to find it. But I had a job to do." He dipped his head forward. "I did the surgery and I didn't make any mistakes. I focused on the patient, and I saved her life. That's all I want to do as a surgeon. Just like Claire, and just like Jared. I might be different, but I'm also the same."

James still said nothing. His mouth was a small line.

Shaun seemed torn. His voice came out quieter. "I was also worried that I wouldn't be good enough for you, and you wouldn't give money to the hospital because of me. But that made it worse. I can't think about that anymore. It's distracting." The way he said this made James seem like a large inconvenience. "I only want to think about the people who need me, now. I…can't worry about what might happen, because it's not what's happening right now. I want to get back to work. If I talk to you, I'll be wasting my time." Aoki stiffened with the declaration, and she looked at Shaun a little sharper. He was looking away, though; he wasn't able to catch it. "I want to be the best doctor I can be. I'm still learning how to do that. I'm still a student. But I won't stop wanting to learn. Even if you don't give us the money."

Silence, next. Shaun had said all he wanted to.

James blinked, studying the resident hard. Melendez leaned back a bit and crossed his arms over his chest. There was no disguising the pride on his face, this time. The residents on either side of their friend were wearing twin smiles. Aoki seemed to be the only one really still on-edge. And that apprehension only increased tenfold when James turned to address her. But his words were thoughtful and slow, not angered. "Allegra…I think we should go back to your office and discuss some matters in more detail."

Claire and Jared lit up immediately. Allegra smiled as well, and Neil let out a sigh. James offered Shaun a smile, and reached out to shake his hand. "Thank you, Doctor Murphy," he said. "It's been very enlightening getting to know you." Shaun rejected the offer without hesitation, but he did turn to Claire and smiled at her, looking relieved. He took his hand back out of his pocket, and pulled his arms close to his chest, rocking up on the tips of his toes once. When he came back down onto his heels, all his worry was left to run off of him. It was like a weight had been lifted.

James and Aoki turned and left, after another shared look. And finally, it left the surgical team alone, and just like they had always been. No investor looking over their shoulder, or change of pace they didn't want. It was one of the most refreshing sights to see— them walking away and leaving them behind for good. Or, at least, what the residents hoped was for good.

After a collective pause of respite, Melendez stepped forward and took the three in, his eyebrows raised. "Well. That's two crises averted, then," he proclaimed. He eyed Shaun, taking a moment out to fix him with a sterner look. "I take it you found it, then?" Shaun wilted anxiously, but he nodded all the same. "Good. We're not doing that again. Are we clear?" Neil pressed. "From now on, everything is back to normal. Never thought I would miss it…" he added under his breath, only half-joking.

"I'm sorry," Shaun offered, remorse bogging down his voice.

Neil nodded, again. "Yeah, well…you did well today, so. I'll give you this one slip-up." The resident perked at the rarely-given praise. Quickly, rushing to even it out, Neil added: "But I'm only giving you the one. So you'd better not screw anything else up." Jared started to pipe up with some kind of defense, but that was literally the last thing Melendez wanted in the moment at hand, so he just said instead: "Go with Kalu and check in on Allison. Browne and I will take up the next case; I expect you to be on top of both by the time you get back."

Shaun was all business, after the warning against anything less than perfection. He scurried away immediately, and Jared was left to rush after him, a little alarmed at the pace he was setting. Claire watched them both go, and when Melendez turned and started to walk the other way, she hopped up and trailed after. She wasn't really planning on saying anything; she knew he would rather she didn't. But somehow, it tumbled out. "Thank you." Melendez glanced at her but said nothing. It wasn't really an invitation for her to keep going, but she did anyway. "For not giving up on him. It was nice."

"He was right— he did his job," Neil replied stiffly. "I trust him not to make a habit out of it." He took in a slow breath and let it out just as gradually. "Every resident makes mistakes."

She nodded. A smile wormed its way over her face, and she turned to look up at him with more of a teasing grin. "I think you like him," she declared, her tone smug. Immediately, his head whipped around to look at her. The expression on his face just made her smile more. "When he first came here, you hated him, and wanted nothing to do with him. And now, I think you like him," she defined. "I think you're glad he's your resident— but more importantly, I think you genuinely like him as a person."

"That's—" He glared at her. The glare only got angrier when she giggled. "Don't be ridiculous," he growled. "I don't like any of my residents. You're all terrible." He looked back front. "I hate each and every one of you."

"Hm. That's unfortunate," Claire snickered. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm sorry you thought anything different," Melendez snapped. "Now come on. We've wasted enough time today, and I'm not keen on wasting anymore." He quickened his strides and started to leave her in the dust. She stifled a laugh and had to jog to keep up the pace. They'd meet with their patient and get invested in an entirely new set of symptoms— in an entirely new kind of surgery. Sooner or later, Shaun and Jared would reconvene with them and they would be a team again. They'd do a surgery, and depending on how long that took, they would do scutwork to the fill the time, or linger around the ER to help there, and look for new cases.

They'd fall right back into step.

They'd do everything just like they always did.

They'd be right back in their routine.


End file.
